Usually once a week, the Dude and I stop at our favorite little family owned restaurant on the way home from work to eat breakfast. We have become regulars like the older gentleman who is there at 6 when the doors open and knows everyone around to the grandma on oxygen who has her coffee and knits baby blankets, to the two ladies who stop on their way to work. Jokes and laughing and local gossip. The Dude and I had endured a really bad Friday and Saturday on our respective phases-just equipment not working, short staffed, just frustrating stuff. Sunday night we both had a pretty good night and I told him he had to treat for breakfast since I treated for dinner. We stopped, looked at the menu and I made a joke about how he asked for something and he kidded back and I laughed about giving him my opinion. He then looked at me and said "I'll ask your opinion in a minute when we sit down". Ummmm, now I've been married to him long enough to know that there was something weird in the way he said it. We sat down and I looked at him and said 'Shoot'
Okay, if you are under 18 or are uneasy about anatomical related conversations, skip to the bottom of the post where I will show food. It isn't X-rated, but concerns his body.
Are we good?
So he proceeds to tell me that Saturday night (it is now MONDAY morning) he noticed that his testicle was a little swollen. He had a hard time sleeping when we got home Sunday morning. When we went to work Sunday night he noticed around midnight that it was the size of a freaking orange. So he wanted to know if I thought we should take a trip to the ER or wait for the clinic to open. We were then served our breakfast and we ate like we hadn't seen food in months. We went to the car and called the 24 hour nurseline through our insurance. They said to go to the hospital since it was President's Day and she wasn't sure if the clinic was open or not or if they would be fully staffed or not. We made the trip to the ER. They took his info and led us to a room to do his temp, answer all the questions, take his blood pressure. The nurse leaves and said the doctor will be in soon and he's like 'Wanna see it?' So he drops trow and sure as snot, as big as an orange. The doc comes in (a woman) and feels him up, asks questions and orders an ultrasound. We go to that room and it is all warm with the elevator-type music playing to keep us calm. Now ladies-those of you who have had ultrasounds-to see your husband on a table with his peter under a small towel and another woman using a wand on his 'nut sack', it made me feel a little happy. Not that he was in pain because I would never want him to suffer in any physical way, but damn, here is a little glimpse into what it is like to be me. And when she told him to take the towel and wipe the gel off himself, I was almost giddy. After waiting an hour a different doc came in and said that he has epidiymo-orchitis, which translates into a bacterial infection, usually E. coli, and has backed up into the 'pipe' (that is what the doctor called it) causing the swelling and pain in the testicle and the tube on the back of the testicle. To the pharmacy we went to get an antibiotic and some pain pills-and ran into people from work. It was humorous only because it was nothing serious, or rather life threatening. So now, I'm getting him water, ice packs and pain pills. They are such wimps when they are sick-which he is not and I had to remind him of that on at least 8 separate occasions in the 6 hours we have been awake. But in his plus column, he got felt up by two different women that were not his wife.
Since we got home 4 hours later than normal, we slept way too late and woke up starving. I forgot I had just bought hamburger, so I opted to make waffles. I didn't even have time to defrost bacon, so it was only waffles for dinner, and they were pretty tasty.
1-1/2 cups buttermilk
1 tsp baking soda
1-3/4 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup shortening
3 TBSP brown sugar (not shown)
1 TBSP vanilla extract
Place all ingredients in a bowl
Beat together until well mixed
Pour into greased waffle iron and cook according to directions. Ours has a light that goes out when they are done.
Serve with butter and syrup
Oh, and totally want to freak out your teenage daughters? Show them the drawing that the ER doctor gave you with all the male parts on it. It is the small things in life that give me pleasure.